In the Shoes of Today's Teens: The Complexities and Pressures of Growing Up
Today's post might seem like a trip down memory lane, reminiscing about the past, but my kids would probably accuse me of being nostalgic. Raising teenagers has always had its challenges, but with the addition of social media, easy access to technology, and our children surpassing our knowledge in certain areas, the role of parenting has become exponentially more difficult.
Life used to be simpler, and as cliché, as it sounds, it's true. We heard our parents say it, and they heard it from their parents. The pace at which life moves today is astonishing. You're met with an expected eye-roll when you tell your child this. However, it remains true. What's even more remarkable is how quickly things have changed, not just between generations but within the gap from your eldest child to your youngest. How fast will things move when our kids become parents themselves?
I remember getting my first cell phone when I was 21. It was a clunky car-mounted unit that cost a fortune if you ever made a call. Nowadays, I see 8 or 9-year-old kids walking around with smartphones. Just five or six years ago, getting your first cell phone was typically a high school milestone. Who shattered that precedent? Fortunately, my ten-year-old hasn't been giving me a hard time about not having a phone, but then again, does anyone still have a home phone?
House parties in the 80s were a different experience. People would call on the "home phone" to discuss plans for the night. Occasionally, a party would get out of control because someone caught wind that a friend's parents were out of town. Nowadays, parents who allow their kids to have parties are unsure what they're getting into. Everything goes viral within minutes, and a small gathering can quickly escalate into a police intervention. Even when security measures are in place, there are no guarantees things won't spiral out of control. I've picked up my daughter from a party and found as many kids outside the house trying to get in as there were inside... and that's when the parents were home!
"Back in the day," youth mental illness was never discussed, let alone acknowledged. Occasionally, we would hear about eating disorders or suicides, but it was usually through a friend of a friend. Unfortunately, teenage suicide and mental health issues now plague communities. Spontaneous online memorials and tributes spring up within hours, spreading like wildfire. It's rare for a teenager not to be directly affected by someone who has tragically attempted or taken their own life.
Likes on Instagram, followers on Snapchat, and popularity on Ask.fm can make or break a teenager's years. Once information is out there, it can't be taken back. It's a painful lesson that a child may struggle to recover from. Everyone is a paparazzo with their phone cameras. If cameras had been present at some of the parties I attended in high school and university, our reputations would have been tarnished long ago. Thankfully, phones with cameras weren't a thing back then. Back in the day, someone might have had their eyebrow shaved off, and the only evidence was the embarrassment they faced at school on Monday morning. Today, the entire event would be captured on someone's camera phone and uploaded to YouTube, Facebook, and Instagram, making the kid notorious within minutes. How is a sixteen-year-old supposed to bear that kind of humiliation?
Mistakes and poor decisions are part of growing up and learning from them. However, there is now zero tolerance for any slip-up or momentary lapse in judgment. This seems harsh and unfair. I know I made my fair share of blunders and exercised poor judgment in my youth. I learned from my mistakes through personal experience and self-awareness, not through public
humiliation and ridicule.
The speed at which information flows between kids today is equally astounding. Last week, my son and I were in the car when we heard about the tragic events unfolding in Paris. He immediately texted his friend, who had just arrived in Paris with her family the day before, to check if she was okay. Within seconds, he received a reply saying her family was within a kilometer of the bombings, but she was safe. There goes the idea of going out of town and being disconnected for a while.
There's something ironic about this age of selfies. Kids are captivated by their devices, yet I've witnessed how they can also cause immense pain. My daughter's mood changed from elation to sadness based on the number of likes she received on an Instagram post. Madeline wasn't the only one affected in this way. Other parents have shared stories of similar emotional volatility in their kids due to unkind comments or unfavourable posts.
Our children are growing up too fast. I'm not against progress; in fact, I embrace it. What scares me is that our kids may have to learn some of their most important lessons under social media's watchful and scrutinizing eyes. Lessons they may never have a chance to recover from fully.
